1. Fedor Emelianenko
This is pretty obvious. In every way but technically, Fedor is undefeated. In PRIDE's heyday, he bested every one of their best heavyweights in spectacular fashion, including Nogueira, Herring, Coleman, Cro Cop, Fujita, and Hunt. His accomplishments in the last two years are pretty dubious, but the rest of his resume trumps that fact. However, his hold on the number one spot is tenuous. If he doesn't soon find some competition befitting the number one heavyweight in the sport, he will lose his spot.
2. Randy Couture
Taking the UFC belt from Sylvia in dominating fashion, and tko'ing Gabriel Gonzaga (who knocked out Cro Cop) puts Couture at number 2. Normally, having only two recent fights at a weight class wouldn't earn you a top spot in the rankings. But considering how Couture won his last two fights, who he fought, and the recent, un-inspired performances by other heavyweights, I think Couture belongs here.
3. Rodrigo Nogueira
I'm honestly not sure how to feel about Nogueira. Beating Werdum, splitting a pair of matches with Barnett, and beating a fading Heath Herring don't seem like enough (at first) to qualify him. But then, there isn't anyone else more qualified, either. Distant wins over Cro Cop and Kharitonov give him credit, but that decision over Ricco Rodriguez was junk. If only that fight had gone Ricco's way, maybe he wouldn't have descended into obesity, and always get so sleepy whenever Ron Waterman punches him in the face:
4. Josh Barnett
Wins over Hunt, Nogueira, Aleksander Emelianenko and...Pawel Nastula...earn Barnett his spot. He lost to Cro Cop three times, which is more or less extreme. I saw a Josh Barnett t-shirt while I was in Tokyo. It said "Josh Metal" and had a picture of him like he was half robot. There was also a toy of him, but it cost too many Japanese dollars for me to buy.
5. Gabriel Gonzaga
Gonzaga's ko over Cro Cop puts him at five. He was impressive in his loss to Couture, also, which I think proofs that he isn't a flash in the pan. His fight with Werdum will be really telling. I was thinking of putting Sylvia here, but a win over Arlovski doesn't seem as significant as a win over Cro Cop. His profile on Sherdog makes him look like a Brazilian Ryan Phillipe, but he's certainly a lot wackier looking than that. Arlovski could learn a lesson from Gonzaga and, like some retarded version of Samson, commence growth of the back and shoulder hair immediately.
6. Tim Sylvia
With two wins over Arlovski, and wins over good, if not stellar competition like Vera, Monson, and Assuerio Silva, Sylvia clocks in at six. If he had won in more impressive fashion, I think I would put him above Gonzaga. He used to be one of my favorite heavyweights, but these days, unless he is prepared for an interview, it seems like bullshit flows from his mustachioed mouth all the time. He catches a lot of shit for being goofy, clumsy, and having a shitty nickname. This hardly seems fair...
But then you see a picture like that. He's called the "Maine-iac" because he goes crazy, but he's also from the state of Maine. I'm kidding, of course. He's from Delaware.
7. Andrei Arlovski
I feel that this guy doesn't get enough respect. However over-rated some people said he was, the fact remains that he carried the UFC heavyweight division for a long time. Losses to Sylvia force him into the number seven spot, despite a recent win over Fabricio Werdum. It will take another significant win (by some way other than a defensive decision win) to erase his two losses to Sylvia. Incidentally, I heard that Arlovski was going to be on Jerry Springer as a "guest bouncer." I thought I would get to see him toss some white trash through a set piece or something, but all I got was an hour of three fat rednecks who like to eat food and be messy, and Arlovski standing in the background grinning. I'm hesitant to admit it, but ultimately I think it was a little demeaning (for Arlovski, not the rednecks).
8. Fabricio Werdum
Werdum's place on this high on the list is pretty unstable. The most notable win of his recent career is Aleksander Emelianenko, whose stock may actually drop a little bit if he wastes away in Canada's HCF, contending with lesser opposition. And as little of a fight as people say Arlovski put up, Werdum seemed to put up even less.
9. Aleksander Emelianenko
Aleksander has won four of his last five fights, finishing them in the first round, which is impressive. But only Kharitonov and (loosely speaking) Eric Pele can be seen as approaching elite competition. He got his block knocked off by Cro Cop, but that was a long time ago, so he squeaks ahead of Filipovic in the rankings. I used to hate Aleks' tattoos, but now I think they are sort of rad. I'm not sure what to feel about a man with an image of the grim reaper cradling a child stuck to his back except fear. At the same time, facially, he resembles this goofy kid who I used to go to Tae Kwon Do class with. He put forth such little effort that the instructor more or less gave up and just let him kind of stumble through class. Sometimes, when we had our fists up to begin drills, it looked like he was falling asleep, using his hand like a pillow. What a guy.
10. Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic
Really, if you think about it, Cro Cop's nickname is just as bad as "The Maine-iac." He is a Croatian cop, so they take the first syllable of each word and a star is born. Nobody makes as much fun of it, though. Maybe it's cultural--it would be unfair to criticize a foreigner's nick-naming habits, just as it would be unfair to criticize a foreign people for electing a kickboxer to parliament. To my whole family's dismay, Cro Cop has crash-and-burned this last year, losing to two previously unranked fighters, and falling from second in the world (in my opinion) to just about here.
11. Cheick Kongo
Usually I would place Kongo ahead of Cro Cop on the simple basis that the former beat the latter. However, Cro Cop's record is too good to ignore, just as Kongo's record is too spare. I was really excited over Kongo in the UFC, but his loss to Marrero, and his weak decision win over Assuerio Silva have sort of tempered my enthusiasm.
12. Mark Hunt
Mark Hunt is pretty damn cool. That accent always catches me off guard. His record isn't so great, but his win over Cro Cop, still of recent memory, leaves a big impression. He also seems to have almost finished Fedor, which gives him some clout in my eyes. Fedor said that the kimura Hunt put on him wasn't close, but I kind of suspect that he's just saying that to avoid showing any possible weakness and shaming the Russian empire.
13. Sergei Kharitonov
Kharitonov seems to be putting himself back together. Wins over Werdum and Rizzo did him good, but after his losses to Overeem and Aleksander, and a shaky win over fourth-stringer Michael Russow, his stock dropped pretty far. A recent, vengeful win over Overeem keeps Kharitonov afloat. Here is a picture of him in camouflage:
Judging by his apparel, this military operation takes place in a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream floating through a clear-blue sky.
14. Brandon Vera
His loss to Tim Sylvia was pretty disappointing, especially since he admittedly ignored his corner's game plan. His wins in the big show are otherwise spectacular. His dance is totally sweet, I don't know why people get down on him about it.
15. Ben Rothwell
I'm kind of going out on a limb here, but I have to say that Rothwell has performed pretty admirably. Stepping into the ring with more or less unheralded competition keeps him low on the list, but a 12 fight win streak is impressive nonetheless. I saw him at the recent IFL show in Chicago, and he was really good humored about questions regarding his contract dispute with the IFL and absence from their tournament. He was also very good natured about my dad forgetting his name. Also at the show was Noah Inhofer. He was talking with Corey Hill, which seems kind of strange. After all, Hill had the stones to stick it out in the TUF house, while Inhofer turned sissy over a new girlfriend and quit. I guess I imagined that Inhofer would be sort of ashamed at speaking to a TUF contestant who successfully rode out his stay in the house. The real question is, if Noah Inhofer were to move up to heavyweight, how would he fair against Ben Rothwell? Only the gods know for sure.
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