Old-Timey UFC Guy Stages Ill-Fated Comeback

Bob Meyrowitz, after selling what turned out to be the most popular brand in one of the fastest growing forms of entertainment to Zuffa, seems to have found a magic lamp. After rubbing furiously, a genie popped out and I guess it granted him his wish to do it all over again, because Meyrowitz (who co-founded the UFC) has announced the development of a new MMA promotion.

Unfortunately, the genie must be from 1993, because the promotional material for "YAMMA Pit Fighting" reads like something from the dark ages of the sport. "Redefining MMA. On the street it's against the law. In the pit there is no law. THEY'RE BACK!!!!!!"

"In the pit there is no law?" That's the kind of talk that gets you banned in all 50, son. And who, exactly, is "BACK!!!!!!"? Because if it's Paul Varelans, you can count me out...

...Or can you?

Further dating Meyrowitz's new endeavor is the likelihood that his "YAMMA Pit Fighting" will closely resemble (or is, by my prediction) "YAMA," a show he was shopping around to cable networks that pitted two teams with different fighting styles against each other. Meyrowitz stated that they weren't fostering competition between two individuals, necessarily, but between "two totally different fighting styles." Except that this has already been done (by him), and we all learned our lesson: you don't bring a single boxing glove to an MMA fight (sorry Art Jimmerson).

The big hook here, though, seems to be the implementation of a new type of ring, which YPF claims will change the face of the sport, but the exact nature of the new ring is currently under wraps. However, there may be a clue in the quote "In the pit there is no law." I think, guys, it might take place in a pit. Maybe, though, its like a riddle or a trick, and "pit" is code. For example, one might see that "pit," spelled backwards, is "tip." As in the tip of Zuffa's million dollar wang. Inserted into YPF's brown eye.
For Oxford University, this is Walter Cronkite.

Comeback Kids

While 2007 proved a halcyon year for fighters like Anderson Silva, Quinton Jackson, and Randy Couture, other fighters closed out the year with a whimper among clouds of fan skepticism and doubt. Below are five fighters who have the opportunity and potential to turn their careers around and leave a big impression on the MMA community:

5. Andrei Arlovski
Between his ongoing contract negotiations with the UFC and his two anemic wins--first over Marcio Cruz and later against Fabricio Werdum--Arlovski has largely faded from the public consciousness. With an impending conclusion in his contract negotiations, Arlovski should be poised to use what little momentum he can take from his last to fights and stage an explosive comeback, either in or out of the UFC.
I feel Arlovski gets a bum rap, from both fans and management. He more or less carried the UFC's heavyweight division for almost two years. A couple tough breaks later, and everyone is ready to write him off as a flash in the pan. At the same time, Arlovski can't continue the way he has been for much longer. Even one more fight resembling his contest with Werdum could kill any latent interest in him. I'm not sure where exactly his problems lie, but I suspect it has to do with the surge of super-stardom he enjoyed last year. He needs to wipe all of that from his memory, get hungry, and start from zero. I'm not going to make that old joke and suggest that it's his lack of chest hair that has done him in. Actually, I guess I will.



Brown-Reverse-Fur-Cape-Arlovski in '08!

4. Tito Ortiz
Ortiz fancies himself not only a fighter, but a savvy entrepreneur as well. But where does sticking it to mythical sea-hag Jenna Jameson figure in to it? Ortiz's career in the last couple years has been plagued with uninspired wins, disappointing losses, and excuses, excuses, excuses. Sick of making, in his words, lesser fighters look good, he vowed to take some time off, completely heal his injuries, and bring the "old" Tito back. A rematch with Rashad Evans has been rumored to be on the table. If he can regain and put to use his notoriously strong cardio, wrestling, and perseverance, Ortiz could quite possibly dominate Evans and work his way towards lasting prominence.
Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder how likely a resurgence is for Ortiz. The old Tito wasn't killing time on b-list-celebrity reality shows, and the old Tito trained in a camp populated by Chuck Liddell, Quinton Jackson, and a prime Ricco Rodriguez. A look at his camp now reveals that he's been working out with...Tiki Ghosn?! Oh man, I thought that guy was dead...

3. Frank Mir
Life has been a little rough for Mir. Shortly after capturing the UFC heavyweight belt in spectacular fashion, he suffered serious injuries in a motorcycle accident. With a recent increased emphasis on a strong mental state as key for a successful fighter, it's not too surprising, in retrospect, that Mir faltered in his return bout almost two years later, losing badly to the unimpressive Marcio Cruz. An almost unbearably sluggish win over Dan Christison followed, and a tko loss to Brandon Vera after that. Mir's most recent fight against Antoni Hardonk, which he won quite handily by submission, is hopefully a promise of things to come. Upcoming opponent Brock Lesnar poses the perfect opportunity for Mir--while physically imposing, Lesnar is far less experienced than Mir, and his wrestling-centric technique could easily backfire against a jiu-jistu artist as talented as Mir. And while he might be unproven in the MMA world, Lesnar is a name opponent. Spoiling Lesnar's coming-out party (and starting a win streak) may be just the thing Mir needs to get back in the spot light.

2. Cro Cop
As a highly touted import, Cro Cop might have let the hype get to his head. Instead of steamrolling the UFC heavyweight division en route to championship supremacy, Cro Cop took a oddly humdrum tko victory over human/albino gopher hybrid Eddie Sanchez. He went on to suffer a horrifying ko loss to Gabriel Gonzaga, resulting in the saddest picture in the history of man. That is to say, a photo of a 220 pound smasher of men sobbing as he rides through a field on his pony, looking so sharp in his little cowboy hat. I'm a little afraid to show it to you, but here it is anyway.

A second loss to Cheik Kongo followed. Rumors of his retirement have since been put to rest as Cro Cop endeavors to refocus and become an effective heavyweight wrecking machine. Look for him to cut a swathe of destruction towards a title match, or again lose himself in thoughts of retirement by the end of 2008.

1. BJ Penn
Penn is a problematic figure in mixed martial arts. His nickname "The Prodigy," describes him almost perfectly, embodying both what is great and infinitely frustrating about him. As a prodigy, he has seemingly limitless talent and yet, because of the great facility with which he fights, he never seems to work as hard or stay as focused as other fighters, resulting in under-performance, and disappointment for his fans. He claims to have gotten his head straight (thanks in part to discussions with Randy Couture, no less) and is fully dedicated to the art of fighting. His virtuoso performance against one-time rival Jens Pulver seems a step in the right direction. Yet, with a looming title fight against Joe Stevenson, Penn seems disconcertingly preoccupied with Sean Sherk. Here's hoping that in 2008 he starts to make good on all of the promise he has, and that he expands on the moments of brilliance his career has shown us.

Here we have a picture of Penn wearing some of the best shorts ever. While I approve of the shorts whole-heartedly, I don't quite understand his ill-will to Jens Pulver. I tend to dislike the characters of fighters from the Miletich camp, but Jens Pulver has always seemed like a good-humored kind of guy. Why, BJ Penn? Why did you let go of the armbar just to punch Jens Pulver in the face some more? You can be so cruel.

Turds of the Year

After a brief hiatus, SquishingMachine returns, operating under the burdensome knowledge that Fedor Emelianenko is hours away from taking another step towards irrelevance by way of a freak show fight with Hong Man Choi. In honor of this momentous occasion, here are the 12 Turds of the Year:

12. Monte Cox named president of M-1 Global

With the excitement surrounding the sensational announcement that Monte Cox was named president and CEO of mixed martial art's latest buzz promotion M-1, nobody seems to have acknowledged the gross conflict of interest inherent in a man being the president of a fight organization, and at the same time the manager of several top fighters and prospects. Even Dana White knew you couldn't be both, and relieved himself of managing Tito Ortiz before assuming the role of UFC president. Here's to Monte Cox, continuing the proud tradition of cartoony looking bastards corrupting fight sports.



11. Frank Shamrock

Where to start? Shamrock prides himself on being a gentleman, a man among boys, and yet isn't beyond releasing inflammatory videos questioning nemesis Phil Baroni's sexuality on Youtube. He insists that he is one of the greatest fighters active today, but decides to start his march towards total conquest with Renzo Gracie, a man fighting under a largely obsolete ethos who hasn't been a relevant competitor for years. And on top of that, he can't even beat him. Shamrock was taken down repeatedly by Renzo before resorting to illegal knees to the back of Renzo's head. And while Renzo was checked by the doctor, Shamrock aped and mugged for the camera, later questioning Renzo's fighting spirit. Renzo Gracie, who refused to tap out after having his shoulder torn off by Sakuraba.
To his credit, Shamrock managed to choke Phil Baroni unconscious. But then again, so did Pete Sell. Add to this the fact that Shamrock conveniently ignored Jorge Santiago, winner of the Strikeforce 4-man tournament and unofficial number 1 contender, in favor of challenging an obviously green Cung Le, and you have a giant turd.

10. "No Decision" for Nick Diaz and Takanori Gomi

When the Nevada State Athletic Commission takes the fight of the year and makes it officially non-existent, you're describing a far-reaching sort of pain and frustration. Should Nick Diaz have been fined and suspended for testing positive for marijuana? Sure. Should he have his win taken away in order for the NSAC to send a message to other prospective violators? Er, try waiting around for someone who tested positive for a performance ENHANCING drug. Say, Sean Sherk. And I don't know about you, but maybe beating the number one lightweight in the world with one of MMA's rarest submissions while having a performance-hindering drug like marijuana in your system calls for some sort of special medal, or certificate, or coupon book, perhaps.
Besides taking away one of the greatest fights of their careers from Diaz, Gomi, and the fans, this can of worms fueled PRIDE FC/UFC tensions. When the UFC's number one competitor holds a show in Las Vegas (UFC territory) and receives a black eye like PRIDE FC did, for a violation that UFC fighters have far surpassed, it's sure to raise some eyebrows.
On top of it all, I'm now guaranteed some moment in my old age where I blather on about some fantastic, mystical fight that my grandkids assure me never happened. Just before I fill my underwear with feces. Terrific.

9. Renato Sobral

Sobral decided to celebrate his 2006 knockout loss to Chuck Liddell by leaping into a punch from Jason Lambert while attempting to deliver one of the worst flying knees in history. For a follow up act, he would get himself arrested for trespassing and assault, only a week or so before a come-back fight with David Heath, in which he would choke his opponent unconscious despite Heath's submission and the referee's intervention, and then gloat about it afterwards. As a reward for such an illustrious year, Sobral was fined $50,000 and cut from the UFC.

8. Matt Serra vs. Matt Hughes
What could be better than putting the exciting welterweight division of the UFC on hold for almost a year while Dana White hypes up a bad-blood match between champion Matt Serra and all-time great Matt Hughes on The Ultimate Fighter: Hughes vs. Serra? How about going through all that bullshit, and never actually having the fight?!

7. Dana White

Or should we say the character "Dana White," the cursing, no-nonsense, tough-love, hard-drinking (implied) boss-man from the "reality" show The Ultimate Fighter. Nothing shows professionalism and respect for your assets (that's assets, not employees) like encouraging one of the show's coaches to "bitch slap" those "motherfuckers." Motherfuckers, of course, meaning the future stars and moneymakers of your organization.
That Tito Ortiz/Dana White boxing special doesn't help his reputation either. Desperate to make himself out to be a tough guy while childishly cutting his former colleague off at the knees, Dana White put together a vanity show that documented how hard he works (particularly how diligently he trained boxing despite his hectic schedule) and at the same time, inexplicably, how stupid and cowardly Tito Ortiz, one of his prime earners, is.



Ultimate Bad Ass or World's Savviest CEO? Why not both? Because that would be retarded.

6. Shogun Rua in the UFC

Shogun Rua, one of the most dynamic, dominant fighters in the sport today and, at the time, widely considered to be the number 1 light heavyweight in the world, made his debut in the UFC against Forrest Griffin. He stumbled around the cage, sucked wind, and got punched in the face repeatedly before succumbing to a rear-naked choke by the popular but critically unheralded Griffin, and got paid top dollar to do it. Bust.

5. Fedor Emelianenko vs. Hong Man Choi

With the Fertittas' buyout of PRIDE FC, once impossible, cross-promotional superfights looked to come to fruition. Wanderlei Silva vs Chuck Liddell, Takanori Gomi vs. Sean Sherk, Tim Sylvia vs. Cro Cop, and Fedor Emelianenko vs. Hong Man Choi. Oh wait. I mean, anything but Fedor Emelianenko vs. Hong Man Choi. With a spotless MMA record (of 1-0-0) Choi is about as unqualified a fighter as you can get to fight arguably the number 1 pound for pound fighter in the world. The most unqualified, that is, besides maybe this guy:



With a record of 0-2-0, Yuji Nagata must have been the greatest pro-wrestler in the world, because they decided to throw him in the ring with Cro Cop right off the bat. After 21 seconds and a knock out loss, management decided he showed enough moxie to be thrown in with Emelianenko. A second fight between Nagata and Emelianenko would be a little more ridiculous than the fight with Choi, but at least it would make the management's intentions more clear: cash in on Emelianenko's name and legend with freak show fights and fat paydays, all the way to retirement.

4. Cro Cop's career in the UFC



Why, god? Why?

4. Matt Hughes

Hughes' nearly 10-year career has been spent building his legend: a hard-working, simple, good hearted man triumphing over incredible competition. That's about 8-years of engendered goodwill, which he has managed to almost completely bury in the last year. Thanks to off-hand racist comments on The Ultimate Fighter: the Comeback, childish, chest-beating nationalism in questioning Canada's fighting spirit (in the form of Georges St. Pierre), a pushy, self-righteous religious zeal, and his ability to be both emotionally sensitive and defensive and yet passive-aggressive and insulting, "Country Breakfast" might end up being remembered as the most successful asshole in MMA's early years.

3. Performance, and the drugs what enhances it

When both fighters in a UFC lightweight title fight test positive for steroids, then what the fuck? At least Hermes Franca came clean and owned up to it. Now-former champion Sean Sherk continues to ignore the idea of decorum in defeat and insist on his innocence. And congratulations to Melvin Guillard for momentarily capturing the title of World's Biggest Asshole by accusing Joe Stevenson of taking steroids, losing that fight, and then testing positive for cocaine.

2. Randy Couture leaves the UFC

How the hell can anyone take Dana White's side in this? Couture states that he quit the UFC for three reasons: 1. to fight Fedor Emelianenko, 2. because he didn't feel respected by the UFC's upper management, and 3. he didn't like the way he was being compensated. It's simple, and yet when Dana White crows that they gave Couture a signing bonus, everyone thinks that the UFC must be doing right by Couture. There's still the messy issue surrounding point number 1, and besides money, the intangibles associated with the UFC's lack of respect for Couture. The only reason why it seems like money is Couture's main issue is because that's the only issue people have been asking him about.
And frankly, if all things looked even and it came down to one man's word or another, why would you pick "tough-guy" businessman Dana White over Couture, a man respected by his peers who has proved himself over and over to be a conscientious gentleman, a true statesman of the sport, in and out of the cage.
Frankly, Couture's resignation from the UFC belongs in the top 12 best moments of 2008 as well. In quitting, Couture exhibited no fear in the face of a large brand, faith in himself and his fans, and showed himself to be a true competitor. Only for the shameful way that the UFC and MMA fans have reacted, and the unfortunate halt to some compelling fights does this earn its spot here.

1. Fallout from the buyout of PRIDE FC

I'm not that sad to see PRIDE FC as a fight promotion take a dirt nap. Fixed fights, partial judging and refereeing, preferential treatment, freak-show fights, and a lack of any legitimate drug testing don't leave the best taste in my mouth. Yet while in existence, PRIDE FC, along with the UFC, provided one of two homes for the vast majority of MMA's best. With UFC owner Zuffa's acquisition of PRIDE, it looked like they would all come under one roof. One thing after another went wrong, though, and what the fans ended up with was a canceled lightweight grand prix. For their troubles, the UFC got a burnt out Rodrigo Nogueira and Wanderlei Silva, a couple of huge busts in the form of Shogun Rua and Cro Cop, and the questionably profitable additions of Sokoudjou, Ryo Chonan, Akihiro Gono, Kazuhiro Nakamura, and Fabricio Werdum. Meanwhile, top fighters like Takanori Gomi, Tatsuya Kawajiri, Gilbert Melendez, Mach Sakurai, Ricardo Arona, Rogerio Nogeuira, Alistair Overeem, Sergei Kharitonov, Mark Hunt, and Aleksander and Fedor Emelianenko have taken part in the fighter diaspora made possible with the rise of several new fight promotions.
For its wealth of potential resulting only in great disappointment, the purchase of PRIDE FC stands as the big Turd of 2007.

Rest of the Best: 5 Anticipated Fights for the End of 2007

With only a little over a month left, most tremendous upsets and fight-of-the-year candidates are already in the books. However, the last weeks of this year have a few more excellent fights to offer MMA fans. Below are my five most anticipated fights for the latter days of 2007.

5. Fedor Emelianenko vs. ?

Emelianenko's return to the ring has got to be on any fan's radar. I'm reserving some enthusiasm, though, until we find out who exactly he's supposed to be fighting. I don't exactly relish a return to the Japanese freak-show fight that a match with MMA novice Hong Man Choi represents. I can't even imagine why Emelianenko's management would think that such a fight is becoming for what is considered pound-for-pound one of the greatest fighters in the sport. Rumored opposition in the form of Jeff Monson or Pedro Rizzo isn't much of an improvement. Rizzo is basically mustering up all his strength for one last string of wins at the end of his career, while Emelianenko is at the height of his powers. And Monson, uh...just got knocked out by Rizzo, so it's not looking good.

4. Urijah Faber vs. Jeff Curran

It's gotta be the chin. Faber's recent competition, while perhaps talented, hasn't had quite the level of experience needed to pose a threat to the WEC's 145 pound champion. Jeff Curran, at 28-8-1 against a host of esteemed opposition, will be Faber's stiffest test since his rise to prominence. Will the magical charm contained in Faber's deeply cleft chin triumph over Curran's eternally prepubescent voice? I must know!

3. Wanderlei Silva vs. Chuck Liddell

This fight has lost a little of its luster for me, but it's still pretty compelling. I'm pulling for Wanderlei, because Chuck Liddell never offered that I call him up if I need help (even if I just have problems with my car or something) and Wanderlei did. Plus, I hate the show Entourage.

2. Sokoudjou vs. Ryoto Machida

Unfortunately for Sokoudjou, the explosive ways that he finished Arona and Nogueira still have sort of a fluke-y air about them. If he can beat Machida, for me at least, he will be the real deal and a definite contender for the belt. The same goes for Machida, who is experiencing a step up in competition with this fight. A win for either fighter puts them right in line for a shot at Rampage.

1. Troy Mandaloniz vs. Richie Hightower

Man, you just know this is going to be great. Get this: the TUF season 6 contestants wanted to fight on the show, but Spike TV was scared that the fight would be so extreme that they didn't want to air it, so now we get to see it on the live finale! They're friends, but they both really want to fight each other, and they love to BANG, so you know it's going to be a knock-down-drag-out what the fuck? Georges St. Pierre and Matt Hughes are fighting for the title? Holy shit, I just soiled myself.

Five for Kimbo

Leading up to the last Elite XC show, a lot was made of the quality of Kimbo Slice's opposition. Initially he was to fight Tank Abbott in another promotion, but the deal fell through. Elite XC picked Kimbo up, but instead of matching him with Tank, signed Mike Bourke to fight him. When that second fight fell through, Bo Cantrell was signed on as a late replacement. Prior to all of this, Kimbo had one amateur MMA fight (albeit a highly publicized one) wherein he submitted Ray Mercer.

Regardless of the amount of derision the match-up drew from some circles, I think the match with Bo Cantrell, who was 10-10 going into the fight, was a pretty tall order for the relatively inexperienced Kimbo. And regardless of the odd way the fight ended (with Cantrell compulsively tapping out before Kimbo could land any apparently clean blows) it is to Kimbo's credit that he was able to triumph over a veteran of the sport.

I have been impressed with Kimbo. His respect for the intricacies of the sport and his dedication to training show that he isn't just cashing in. His seriousness combined with his notoriety and charisma could make him a real asset to any organization. The best way for this to happen is to bring Kimbo Slice along gradually, nurturing his career and building up his experience; throwing him in with a top 20 heavyweight at this stage is totally counter-productive.

With this in mind, I present to you who I feel should be the next five opponents for Kimbo Slice. Each match-up is made with the assumption that Kimbo won his previous fight, and that all fighters outside the UFC are possible contestants.

1. Tank Abbott (9-13-0)
This fight was supposed to happen months ago, so Elite XC might as well put it on to offer some closure. Abbott has a losing record, but at this point in Kimbo's career, this shouldn't be prohibitive for a prospective opponent.

Kimbo vs. Tank: Beards Collide





2. Cabbage Correira (18-13-0)
While he would prove to be Kimbo's first opponent with a record above .500, Cabbage has lost 5 of his last 6 fights since 2006. He's also a big puncher, durable, and a veteran of the big show. This combination makes him a good opponent for a promising up and comer like Kimbo.


3. Wes Sims (19-11-1)
A fight with journeyman Wes Sims would check where Kimbo's head is after a string of wins, and confirm his ability to fight consistently. Sims doesn't pose too much of a threat, but losing to him would expose any glaring weaknesses. A necessary step, I believe.
Wes Sims' first fight with Frank Mir was one of the most horrifying things I had seen as a budding MMA fan. From hopping around and grinning like some crazed baboon in his corner, to gripping the fence as he stomped Mir in the face, he set just about one of the worst examples for in-cage behavior that any fighter could. Appropriately, Sims was later matched with similar bad egg Mike Kyle who, in order to escape a guillotine hold from Sims, bit him on the chest. Here is a picture of Wes Sims looking about as much like a preternaturally strong, brain-addled Southern man-child from a William Faulkner novel as any fighter could...


4. Jonathan Wiezorek (11-2-0)
Wiezorek's record is impressive, but his method of fighting his utterly predictable. This would test Kimbo's versatility, as Wiezorek is a submission wrestler, and show us how well he can develop and follow a game plan. Wiezorek would pose a slightly different challenge than the last several opponents.

5. Travis Fulton (181-43-9)
While Fulton's record is impressive, most of his wins come against fighters with a losing average, or against similar journeyman fighters, like Wes Sims. It's practically a rite of passage--any fighter with hopes of making it out from the bottom of the barrel has used Fulton as a sounding board. Eric Pele did it, Forrest Griffin did it, Travis Wiuff, Vladimir Matyushenko, and Ian Freeman did it. So must Kimbo. Should he pass this final test, Kimbo would be ready to step up to face stronger opposition in the form of someone like Antonio Silva. Or Justin Eilers, who is the proud owner of one of the most cartoon-ish knock outs this side of Sean Salmon:

5 Fights to Straighten out the UFC's 205 lb Division

A long series of upsets have left the UFC's light-heavyweight division in disarray. With no apparent challenger lined up for champion Rampage Jackson, I thought I might indulge in a bit of fantasy match-making. Below are five fights that I feel would establish two consecutive, number one contenders, and help sort out the division.

1. Forrest Griffin vs. Keith Jardine
This rematch needs to take place. Jardine beat Griffin, but went on to lose to Alexander. Griffin went on to beat Hector Ramirez. Then Griffin and Jardine went on to upset what were considered the number 1 and 3 light-heavyweight fighters, respectively: Shogun Rua and Chuck Liddell. The trajectory of their careers has changed drastically, from B-level reality show stars to Top 10 fighters. Having knocked off the two contenders at the top, Griffin and Jardine should rematch to determine who Rampage fights next.

2. Shogun Rua vs. Thiago Silva
Initially I was going to suggest Shogun vs. Sobral, but with Sobral getting cut from the UFC and signing with Strikeforce I really don't see that happening, so just forget it. By knocking out world-beater Houston Alexander, Silva put himself on the fast-track to a title shot. Shogun's stellar extra-promotional accomplishments still hold a lot of clout, so he is still in the mix, albeit a few more fights away from the top since his disastrous loss to Griffin. A win here ought to contribute significantly to a title shot.

3. Winner of Shogun vs. Silva versus Winner of Sokoudjou vs. Ryoto Machida
Sokoudjou/Machida cannot serve as a number one contender fight, as neither have been visible enough in the UFC--for Sokoudjou, it's because this will be his first fight for the promotion, and for Machida, it's because he's been in the dark bouts, or in boring televised fights. A win here would be significant, though, setting either of them up as being only two fights away from a title shot.

4. Winner of fight 3 vs. Winner of Wanderlei Silva vs. Chuck Liddell
This is my next number one contender fight. Two victories over top-level opposition would put Liddell in line for a legit title shot, despite his two losses to Rampage. Similarly, two victories plus his PRIDE FC credentials (which include two wins over Rampage) would set Wanderlei up nicely for a run at the champ, should he get past the winner of fight 3. And if Shogun, Silva, Sokoudjou, or Machida make it this far, they would have definitely earned their spot.

5. Loser of Griffin vs. Jardine versus Winner of Jason Lambert vs. Wilson Gouveia
This fight would help inject some fresh talent into the title race. Lambert has shown a move towards the upper echelon with his TKO win over Renato Sobral. A win over Lambert would do the same thing for Gouveia. For either of these fighters to convincingly take a step up the UFC ranks, they would have to get past either Griffin or Jardine.

Superlist: UFC 78 - Validation

1. "I'm a full grown man...he's going to have his hands a little more full [with my weiner]."
Everyone's favorite whiner Ed Herman settled a score that no one knew (or cared) he had last Saturday when he avenged a loss against "El Dirte" Joe Doerksen. Having all the charisma of a dribble of spit dangling from a man's lip (say now...) Herman seems to think that the way to make an impression is to walk, talk, and fight like you have a huge chip on your shoulder. Someone should clue him in--Chris Leben, the Diaz brothers, Tim Sylvia, Rashad Evans, Phil Baroni, Karo Parisyan, and Manny Gamburyan all have the same shtick. It wouldn't be so bad, even, if the whole thing didn't apparently originate from draft day on TUF 3, when Tito Ortiz didn't recognize Herman and his credentials, let alone pick him for the team. Ol' "Short Fuse" spent the rest of the season on Shamrock's team crying about how he didn't care about Tito anymore, and that he was going to prove Tito wrong. It was like watching a girl talk about how much she hates a guy, when you know all she does is pop girl-wood when she thinks about him.

2. Old dog...
learned a new trick last Saturday, when Jason Reinhardt learned to fight someone with a winning record. He also learned to lose. Buh-haw-haw-haw! Eh.... Honestly, listening to guys like Reinhardt go on about how old school they are, and how they have been fighting since someone like Joe Lauzon was 12 is so irritating. They become caricatures of themselves, and it just damns them further once they get smoked. I wonder if they really believe in what they're saying, or if they figure that they don't have any other advantage going for them, so they just invoke their seniority, and start telling really long stories that don't go anywhere in an effort to impress us. In addition to angry explanations about how far he walked to school in the winter, Reinhardt's presence in the UFC is further confusing because he normally fights at 135. And Zuffa-owned WEC has a 135 pound weight class. Joking aside, I'm sure he's a good guy, and ought to be given a legitimate chance to flourish at a weight class he can at least physically, if not in terms of performance, measure up to.

3. Me so Sleepy
When the fight card for 78 was announced, there were basically two camps: one that said this was the worst card ever (based mainly on the weakness of the main event) and another that insisted that while there was no big-ticket fight, all of the matches were compelling, and it would be a great event anyway. I was part of the latter group, but now I don't know how to feel. Not a single one of the fights had the fireworks that I expected. I guess they were just bad style match-ups. Parisyan/Chonan was particularly boring, despite my affinity for both fighters. Oddly enough, the most reviled fight on the card, the main event of Evans/Bisping, played out to be one of the more exciting fights.

4. Captain Obvious
It seems like pretty much everyone but the man himself saw it coming: Houston Alexander would lose by getting put on his back. His post-fight antics after knocking Keith Jardine out didn't win him any favor with me, but since then I've grown to really like him, and was pulling for him to win. Imagine my excitement followed by immediate disappointment, then, when Alexander lifted Thiago Silva up (by his chin, no less) and slammed him to the mat, only to be quickly reversed and TKO'd. Many figured that as a BJJ black belt, Silva would keep Alexander on the mat until he finished him, but I didn't think it would come so apparently easy. Alexander appeared totally clueless on his back, making no discernibly significant moves to improve his position. This is strange to me, considering that everyone leading up to this fight seemed to spot where the disparity in talents between the two fighters lay. Had he tried a basic escape, only to fail because of Silva's developed ground game, I wouldn't fault him as much, but it looked like Alexander barely trained beyond his normal routine. Why, man?! WHY?! I told my friends and family about what a destroyer this guy was, and now they think I'm some sort of learning-deficient goof. The moral of the story is to never talk to your family about Houston Alexander.