1. Georges St. Pierre
2. Jon Fitch
3. Matt Hughes
Between spending time as a coach on The Ultimate Fighter, rematches and rubber matches with BJ Penn and St. Pierre, the bad blood with Serra, and a grotesque fight against Royce Gracie, Hughes seems to have become less a contender and more like a mascot or symbol of the division, a character stuck in time--rightfully revered but perhaps working his way into irrelevance. Essentially,Hughes hasn't had a fight of consequence that didn't involve Penn or St. Pierre since his 2005 contest with Joe Riggs (and even that fight had its title implications taken away after Riggs couldn't make weight).
That's not to say he isn't a great fighter at this very moment, but his fights and their attendant drama seem to have so emphatically revolved around events that took place year(s) ago, that it was a shock to hear he'd be fighting an actual contender outside of his weird karmic circle in Thiago Alves. For once, I'm excited to see Hughes fight, and not just because of some grudge.
4. Josh Koscheck
5. Diego Sanchez
6. Jake Shields
7. Matt Serra
It's hard to tell how far down the line Serra drops with this loss to St. Pierre. Normally, splitting a pair of matches with the number one ranked welterweight wouldn't be cause for too much alarm, but Serra didn't exactly tear up a murderer's row of contenders to reach his first successful title shot, either. With his only real accomplishment being a shocking TKO of St. Pierre over a year ago, I think a lot of Serra's clout disappeared in their rematch under a hail of knee strikes to the ribs.
Despite all the 'bad blood' with St. Pierre, I'm still alright with Matt Serra. Serra's camp, on the other hand, is another thing. For Pete Sell to call anyone a "mental midget" (this coming from a guy who despite his jiu-jitsu skills insists on boxing his way to a loss against just about everyone in the UFC--PS, he doesn't have any TKO victories) is too ridiculous.
It was tough seeing Serra lose like that, because in spite of all the fight hype I think he's an alright guy who just got a little caught up in the moment (I don't think St. Pierre admitting he under trained was a sign of disrespect or a fluke, I think he was just admitting a mistake) and I hoped he would put up a bit more of a fight. As it stands, his game plan seems to have been not very well thought out--did his camp really think St. Pierre was just going to box with him, even after seeing St. Pierre grapple and ground-and-pound his way through Koscheck and Hughes?--and I'm afraid that we may be witnessing the end of Matt Serra's tour of the upper echelon.
Unless he puts some wrestling together with his knockout power, I don't see him getting by Hughes.
8. Thiago Alves
9. Karo Parisyan
Irony's a real bitch. Parisyan preemptively declared that he would not accept a fight with Jon Fitch because he wanted a more certain victory leading up to a perceived title shot. Following fan and fighter criticism, Parisyan then insisted that he was not dodging Fitch (nor would he ever) and that it was impossible for a person to dodge Fitch when there was never a fight offered anyway. Impossible it may be, but somehow Parisyan did it.
Abiding by his wishes, the UFC matched him up with Thiago Alves, and Parisyan, who looked in just about the worst shape of his UFC career, was promptly knocked out.
10. Carlos Condit
11. Drew Fickett
What can you say about Drew Fickett that hasn't already been said by the ADCC? Fickett was banned from the Abu Dhabi after a long day of harassing other competitors at the hotel while in a drunken rage and ending up (as the rumor goes) blitzed out of his mind, almost naked, and sobbing outside his hotel room.
It was disappointing to see Fickett leave the UFC. I can't say whether or not he would have been a true contender, but his fights were always exciting. But why should Dana White get to host all of the life-or-death fights? On his title fight with Jake Shields in EliteXC, we now take you to Drew Fickett:
"Round one, rear-naked choke, one of us will die!"
12. Nick Thompson
13. Marcus Davis
14. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
15. David Baron
Thanks to his submission victory over a lackadaisical Hayato Sakurai David Baron makes the list. It's hard to tell exactly how good Baron really is given that any previous attempts against the upper levels of competition have been met with defeat, and that Sakurai himself has looked uninspired in his last several fights. A title shot in DREAM would have been a helpful test, but the newfound Japanese promotion decided to play favorites and offered the fight to Sakurai anyway.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Top 15 Lightweights
Under a burgeoning sense of ennui and purposelessness, with a vague sense of defeat over a task that only exists in the form of its own failure, I'm made to ask, what's the point? At the end of this year, I'll have graduated (with a degree I should have completed two years ago) without any particular job prospects or professional ambitions, having only a host of rejection letters from publishers and an erratically produced, sub-par MMA blog. Why continue making comics nobody wants? Why continue writing a blog nobody reads? Why do anything?
Here's the top 15 lightweights.
1. Takanori Gomi
Thanks to JZ Cavalcante losing to DREAM grand prix contender Shinya Aoki, Gomi finds himself back at number one. JZ certainly cannot take the top spot after losing to Aoki, and as for Aoki himself, his record is a little too slight compared to Gomi's. The Fireball Kid hasn't been that active, but on paper he's the most consistent at the highest levels of competition.
2. Shinya Aoki
In a pre-fight interview, Aoki once tearfully told the story of how he'd call his father on the telephone sometimes, "just to tell him that I'm alive." Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean, exactly?
Aoki makes number two for having beaten the previously top ranked Gesias Calvancante.
3. Mitsuhiro Ishida
4. Gesias Calvancante
5. Gilbert Melendez
6. Tatsuya Kawajiri
7. Vitor Ribeiro
Because Ribeiro's lightweight resume is so much more expansive, I ranked him above BJ Penn. Ribeiro's loss to Calvancante made this a little difficult, especially since Penn is coming off a win. However, Ribeiro has shown a consistently high level of performance across the last couple years, while Penn still has some question's to answer...
8. BJ Penn
such as: do you kiss on a first date? and: if I were a girl, would you go on a date with me?
9. Joe Stevenson
It's hard to tell if our collective impression of Joe Stevenson has been colored by his mere association with the UFC lightweight title, or if that bit of limelight helped everyone recognize what a quality lightweight he really is. Generally, I believe in the latter. His striking in the match against Penn was relatively good, and he's a powerful grappler with good conditioning as well. I'd like to see a rematch between him and Josh Neer, who beat Stevenson at welterweight (prompting his drop to 155 pounds) and has since dropped to lightweight himself in hopes of revitalizing his career.
10. Sean Sherk
Sherk's lightweight resume is slight but remarkable. His victory over Kenny Florian might not have meant much at the time, but Florian has since proven himself to be a serious contender. That win, in combination with Sherk's defeat of Hermes Franca, proves Sherk as a recognizable force at lightweight. With the UFC lightweight division slightly in flux following a series of suspensions and new additions to the weight class, the title belt has been slightly devalued. Sherk will help legitimize the title one way or another, either by providing an impressive scalp on BJ Penn's belt, or by providing a resume suitable (albeit short) for the lightweight champion.
11. Kenny Florian
12. Roger Huerta
13. Gray Maynard
The bottom three here represents a love triangle among UFC wrestling wunderkind, except the amorous caresses are replaced by double leg take downs, the simultaneous mutual oral sex position has been replaced by the "north-south" position (aka...simultaneous mutual oral sex position) and the warming personal lubricant has been replaced by gobs of sweet Vasoline quivering atop the fingertips of UFC cutman "Stitch."
14. Frank Edgar
15. Tyson Griffin
Griffin's loss to Frank Edgar still lingers in my memory partly due to the amazing fight that precipitated it. In determining who would take this last spot, it was important to remember that Griffin has, since the loss to Edgar, taken three very impressive wins over Gleison Tibau, Thiago Tavares, and Clay Guida (who, along with Joachim Hansen, Jamie Varner, and Marcus Aurelio, just missed the mark).
Here's the top 15 lightweights.
1. Takanori Gomi
Thanks to JZ Cavalcante losing to DREAM grand prix contender Shinya Aoki, Gomi finds himself back at number one. JZ certainly cannot take the top spot after losing to Aoki, and as for Aoki himself, his record is a little too slight compared to Gomi's. The Fireball Kid hasn't been that active, but on paper he's the most consistent at the highest levels of competition.
2. Shinya Aoki
In a pre-fight interview, Aoki once tearfully told the story of how he'd call his father on the telephone sometimes, "just to tell him that I'm alive." Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean, exactly?
Aoki makes number two for having beaten the previously top ranked Gesias Calvancante.
3. Mitsuhiro Ishida
4. Gesias Calvancante
5. Gilbert Melendez
6. Tatsuya Kawajiri
7. Vitor Ribeiro
Because Ribeiro's lightweight resume is so much more expansive, I ranked him above BJ Penn. Ribeiro's loss to Calvancante made this a little difficult, especially since Penn is coming off a win. However, Ribeiro has shown a consistently high level of performance across the last couple years, while Penn still has some question's to answer...
8. BJ Penn
such as: do you kiss on a first date? and: if I were a girl, would you go on a date with me?
9. Joe Stevenson
It's hard to tell if our collective impression of Joe Stevenson has been colored by his mere association with the UFC lightweight title, or if that bit of limelight helped everyone recognize what a quality lightweight he really is. Generally, I believe in the latter. His striking in the match against Penn was relatively good, and he's a powerful grappler with good conditioning as well. I'd like to see a rematch between him and Josh Neer, who beat Stevenson at welterweight (prompting his drop to 155 pounds) and has since dropped to lightweight himself in hopes of revitalizing his career.
10. Sean Sherk
Sherk's lightweight resume is slight but remarkable. His victory over Kenny Florian might not have meant much at the time, but Florian has since proven himself to be a serious contender. That win, in combination with Sherk's defeat of Hermes Franca, proves Sherk as a recognizable force at lightweight. With the UFC lightweight division slightly in flux following a series of suspensions and new additions to the weight class, the title belt has been slightly devalued. Sherk will help legitimize the title one way or another, either by providing an impressive scalp on BJ Penn's belt, or by providing a resume suitable (albeit short) for the lightweight champion.
11. Kenny Florian
12. Roger Huerta
13. Gray Maynard
The bottom three here represents a love triangle among UFC wrestling wunderkind, except the amorous caresses are replaced by double leg take downs, the simultaneous mutual oral sex position has been replaced by the "north-south" position (aka...simultaneous mutual oral sex position) and the warming personal lubricant has been replaced by gobs of sweet Vasoline quivering atop the fingertips of UFC cutman "Stitch."
14. Frank Edgar
15. Tyson Griffin
Griffin's loss to Frank Edgar still lingers in my memory partly due to the amazing fight that precipitated it. In determining who would take this last spot, it was important to remember that Griffin has, since the loss to Edgar, taken three very impressive wins over Gleison Tibau, Thiago Tavares, and Clay Guida (who, along with Joachim Hansen, Jamie Varner, and Marcus Aurelio, just missed the mark).
Friday, February 22, 2008
Top 15 Welterweight
1. Georges St. Pierre
The loss to Matt Serra was pretty embarrassing. Yet, while Serra has been nursing an injury, St. Pierre has gone on to defeat Josh Koscheck and Matt Hughes, which serves to erase his loss and place him back at the top.
2. Matt Serra
Serra publicly blasted Mark Laimon and Matt Hughes for being pricks, which is cool, but then also went inexplicably berserk when St. Pierre admitted to underestimating him. More and more, Serra is turning from being a righteous dude who shuts down loud mouth pricks and is becoming a raving maniac.
3. Jon Fitch
Hughes has rightfully held a spot in the top 3 of the welterweight division (and rightly so) for a long while, but I think enough has changed since Hughes's undisputed reign to warrant a shift. Matt Hughes has lost two of his last three fights, and the one that he did win was over the awfully swell but unremarkable Chris Lytle. Fitch, meanwhile, hasn't lost in five years, and the last time he did lose was to light-heavyweight Wilson Gouveia. Fitch has also beaten a top ranked welterweight in the past six months.
Hughes's long list of accomplishments, while increasingly dated, don't go completely out the window, but they can't keep him afloat so high for so long. Congratulations on entering the top 3, Jon Fitch. Now please deliver your victory clap...
Very nice. Thank you.
4. Matt Hughes
"My Accomplishments for 2007" by Matt Hughes:
-lifted a big, heavy dumbbell above my head.
-put on a stupid face at a press conference and thought wistfully about the farm...
-washed my hair with pork-shank juice.
-wrote some shitty book.
5. Josh Koscheck
In some parallel universe, Bill Murray, Tiger Woods, and a Bucket of Popcorn went on a date, fucked, and had a baby. Their planet was exploding, so they put it in a spaceship and sent it into space. Along the way, all the baby had to watch was a bizarro version of Revenge of the Nerds where the preps win out. The space ship landed on our Earth, and out popped Josh Koscheck.
6. Karo Parisyan
7. Diego Sanchez
8. Jake Shields
9. Carlos Condit
10. Nick Thompson
Marcus Davis has made some noise in other rankings, mainly on the strengths of his excellent performance against middling competition. But you know who does that same schtick, only a little better? Fucking Nick Thompson, that's who.
11. Marcus Davis
So Marcus Davis calls himself the Irish Hand Grenade, and he totally lost his shit because recent opponent Jess Liaudin called him a "fake Irishman." But his family comes from Scotland, and he lives in Maine. So...aren't you, like, at least a little fake?
Marcus Davis looks like my 4th grade teacher, who was of Dutch descent. Does this mean that Marcus Davis is actually Dutch? Almost certainly it does.
12. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
13. Drew Fickett
14. Hayato Sakurai
15. Thiago Alves
The loss to Matt Serra was pretty embarrassing. Yet, while Serra has been nursing an injury, St. Pierre has gone on to defeat Josh Koscheck and Matt Hughes, which serves to erase his loss and place him back at the top.
2. Matt Serra
Serra publicly blasted Mark Laimon and Matt Hughes for being pricks, which is cool, but then also went inexplicably berserk when St. Pierre admitted to underestimating him. More and more, Serra is turning from being a righteous dude who shuts down loud mouth pricks and is becoming a raving maniac.
3. Jon Fitch
Hughes has rightfully held a spot in the top 3 of the welterweight division (and rightly so) for a long while, but I think enough has changed since Hughes's undisputed reign to warrant a shift. Matt Hughes has lost two of his last three fights, and the one that he did win was over the awfully swell but unremarkable Chris Lytle. Fitch, meanwhile, hasn't lost in five years, and the last time he did lose was to light-heavyweight Wilson Gouveia. Fitch has also beaten a top ranked welterweight in the past six months.
Hughes's long list of accomplishments, while increasingly dated, don't go completely out the window, but they can't keep him afloat so high for so long. Congratulations on entering the top 3, Jon Fitch. Now please deliver your victory clap...
Very nice. Thank you.
4. Matt Hughes
"My Accomplishments for 2007" by Matt Hughes:
-lifted a big, heavy dumbbell above my head.
-put on a stupid face at a press conference and thought wistfully about the farm...
-washed my hair with pork-shank juice.
-wrote some shitty book.
5. Josh Koscheck
In some parallel universe, Bill Murray, Tiger Woods, and a Bucket of Popcorn went on a date, fucked, and had a baby. Their planet was exploding, so they put it in a spaceship and sent it into space. Along the way, all the baby had to watch was a bizarro version of Revenge of the Nerds where the preps win out. The space ship landed on our Earth, and out popped Josh Koscheck.
6. Karo Parisyan
7. Diego Sanchez
8. Jake Shields
9. Carlos Condit
10. Nick Thompson
Marcus Davis has made some noise in other rankings, mainly on the strengths of his excellent performance against middling competition. But you know who does that same schtick, only a little better? Fucking Nick Thompson, that's who.
11. Marcus Davis
So Marcus Davis calls himself the Irish Hand Grenade, and he totally lost his shit because recent opponent Jess Liaudin called him a "fake Irishman." But his family comes from Scotland, and he lives in Maine. So...aren't you, like, at least a little fake?
Marcus Davis looks like my 4th grade teacher, who was of Dutch descent. Does this mean that Marcus Davis is actually Dutch? Almost certainly it does.
12. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
13. Drew Fickett
14. Hayato Sakurai
15. Thiago Alves
Friday, February 8, 2008
Pillow Talk
In bed last night, having been confronted with the distasteful chore of an early morning, a Brock-Lesnar-ian "Who cares?!" issued forth from my lovely lady-friend's lips.
Lying next to her supple form, I then envisioned--like the ship of Achaean Odysseus slipping between the twin horrors of Scylla and Charybdis--Brock Lesnar's dick-knife slipped between the twin horrors of his pectorals.
Thanks a bunch, Brock Lesnar.
Lying next to her supple form, I then envisioned--like the ship of Achaean Odysseus slipping between the twin horrors of Scylla and Charybdis--Brock Lesnar's dick-knife slipped between the twin horrors of his pectorals.
Thanks a bunch, Brock Lesnar.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Top 15 Lightweight
1. Gesias Calvancanti
Let's face facts: Gomi hasn't fought officially in over a year thanks to what is now a "no-contest" with Nick Diaz. And before the NSAC overturned the result of the fight, Gomi had lost to Diaz by gogoplata. There's no way that he can be number one anymore, let alone ranked.
Meanwhile, Mach Sakurai is turning in so-so performances back at welterweight, and Kawajiri has made a weak argument, at best, for first place thanks to fighting only once in 2007 against Luiz Azeredo. Being the two-time K-1 Heroes tournament winner, with a surprisingly facile win over Vitor Ribeiro, I'd say Calvancanti seems an excellent choice for the top spot of a division in flux.
2. Mitsuhiro Ishida
3. Gilbert Melendez
4. Tatsuya Kawajiri
5. Vitor Ribeiro
6. Shinya Aoki
Despite splitting time between two weight classes, it doesn't look like Ol' Rainbow Pants is losing any chance to tear up the top competition in his divisions. An upcoming bout with Calvancante will either send him to the head of the lightweight table, or solidify JZ as number one.
I was a little disappointed hearing of his performance at Yarennoka! I'm not shouting at you, the title of the event just had an exclamation point on it. It sounds as if Aoki had a bit harder of a time than he should have, considering that he is supposed to be a mixed martial artist while his opponent, though an accomplished grappler, is new to the sport. This may, unfortunately, signal trouble for Aoki down the road unless he rounds out his game.
I know what you're thinking. That the "rainbow pants" crack was cheap and a little old. Fair enough, but he'll need a new nickname, because "Tobikan Judan" is hard to say and doesn't make any sense to me. I'll start taking suggestions. Oh wait, don't even bother, because I just thought of the best one anyone could imagine: Soggy Lemon Sacks, Jr.. Easy to remember, and descriptive.
7. BJ Penn
As soon as I can put Penn at number one, I will. To me, that spot has always potentially belonged to him. However, it's important to remember that he only really has two wins at lightweight that could be considered current or pertinent--his wins over Din Thomas, Caol Uno, and Takanori Gomi are, I feel, a little too dated to figure heavily into the rankings.
8. Joe Stevenson
9. Frank Edgar
10. Tyson Griffin
I put Griffin here in favor of Sherk because (Sherk's steroid abuse aside) I feel that Griffin's victories over Duane Ludwig, Clay Guida, Thiago Tavares, and Gleison Tibau count for more than Sherk's two wins.
Griffin always comes out to "Eye of the Tiger," but I think he should start walking out to the song "Super-Meat Thighs." I know you want to say "Come on, this isn't a song, man" but it is in my sweetest dreams, and it's performed by Dick Dale and the Confederate Army strumming on the strung-out assholes of 1,000 great white sharks.
Number 10 Lightweight of the World Dick Dale, feeling the years.
11. Roger Huerta
A lot of people shit on Huerta because he's a pretty boy, but aren't you supposed to like him more because he's handsome? I know I do. Huerta proved he can do more than look good in tight shorts and beat the hell out of UFC fodder when he fought through two grueling rounds against Clay Guida before submitting him in the third.
12. Sean Sherk
Despite having been the UFC lightweight, Sherk only has two lightweight fights on his record. While their good wins, I don't think it's enough to put him ahead of Huerta or Griffin in the ranks, both of whom have more expansive lightweight resumes.
I was a little disappointed in Sean Sherk after seeing him hop around and hug Matt Hughes after seeing Georges St. Pierre get knocked out. Sherk seems to pride himself on being a consumate competitor, but I think part of that is respecting and appreciating whomever bested you. Jumping around in an uncontrollable state of vicarious glee hardly seems fitting. And speaking of fitting, when is Sherk going to find some space on his improbably muscled body to stick some decorum? He clearly tested positive for steroids (which half the viewing public probably figured he was on anyway) and yet continues to shout about his innocence. Saying it over and over doesn't make it true or any more convincing. It's just irritating. He could likewise stop using slogans like "You're not the champ until you beat the champ." As far as anyone with half a brain is concerned, testing positive for steroids and getting stripped of your title means you aren't the champ. Unless Sherk is shouting those slogans at himself in a mirror, they have no business leaving the mouth on his steroidally convoluted face.
13. Kenny Florian
"The Finisher." Ugh. I hope that's not official. Otherwise, we'll totally miss out on "Ken-Flo vs. J-Lau: the Hyphening." You know, you yell about how you finish fights, like, only a dozen times in a 60 second post-fight interview, and suddenly everyone's making jokes.
Florian catches a lot of crap, and seems to perpetually work under the shadow of his participation on the first season of The Ultimate Fighter. Unlike, say, the Jorge Gurgels of the world, though, I think Florian has proven to be a true commodity at lightweight (albeit with inconsistent fanfare). Wins over up-and-comers Sam Stout and Alvin Robinson, in addition to solid veterans Dokonjonosuke Mishima and Din Thomas, warrants a mention in the ranks.
14. Rob McCullough
He hasn't lost in four years, his nickname is "Razor," and he gets sweaty as a motherfucker.
Razor Rob has one of the most swell spots on television in an advert for the WEC on the Versus Network, wherein he holds a weight from his teeth with a rope and lifts it using the power of what is called "Rob's Neck."
15. Clay Guida
I'm not going to bullshit you, Clay Guida's ravishing head of hair had something to do with making it on this list.
It's a crowded division, so when it comes to rankings, one has to ask, "What have you done for me lately?" And Guida, while losing to Roger Huerta, also beat Marcus Aurelio (who is most famous for his submission win over former Number 1 fighter Takanori Gomi). His losses to Din Thomas and Tyson Griffin hurt his case a little, but the fact that they were close decision losses, and that he performed well in both of them, tilt my opinion in his favor over a couple other fighters. These fighters being:
Din Thomas (who beat Guida early last year but lost to Florian in a so-so performance after), Ryan Schultz (who went undefeated in 2007, beating the sensational but perhaps overhyped Chris Horodecki), Joachim Hansen (formerly Top 10, who won his last fight against the unremarkable Kazuyuki Miyata, but not before losing to unranked Eiji Mitsuoka), and Marcus Aurelio (whose most significant win over Takanori Gomi happened more than a year ago).
Let's face facts: Gomi hasn't fought officially in over a year thanks to what is now a "no-contest" with Nick Diaz. And before the NSAC overturned the result of the fight, Gomi had lost to Diaz by gogoplata. There's no way that he can be number one anymore, let alone ranked.
Meanwhile, Mach Sakurai is turning in so-so performances back at welterweight, and Kawajiri has made a weak argument, at best, for first place thanks to fighting only once in 2007 against Luiz Azeredo. Being the two-time K-1 Heroes tournament winner, with a surprisingly facile win over Vitor Ribeiro, I'd say Calvancanti seems an excellent choice for the top spot of a division in flux.
2. Mitsuhiro Ishida
3. Gilbert Melendez
4. Tatsuya Kawajiri
5. Vitor Ribeiro
6. Shinya Aoki
Despite splitting time between two weight classes, it doesn't look like Ol' Rainbow Pants is losing any chance to tear up the top competition in his divisions. An upcoming bout with Calvancante will either send him to the head of the lightweight table, or solidify JZ as number one.
I was a little disappointed hearing of his performance at Yarennoka! I'm not shouting at you, the title of the event just had an exclamation point on it. It sounds as if Aoki had a bit harder of a time than he should have, considering that he is supposed to be a mixed martial artist while his opponent, though an accomplished grappler, is new to the sport. This may, unfortunately, signal trouble for Aoki down the road unless he rounds out his game.
I know what you're thinking. That the "rainbow pants" crack was cheap and a little old. Fair enough, but he'll need a new nickname, because "Tobikan Judan" is hard to say and doesn't make any sense to me. I'll start taking suggestions. Oh wait, don't even bother, because I just thought of the best one anyone could imagine: Soggy Lemon Sacks, Jr.. Easy to remember, and descriptive.
7. BJ Penn
As soon as I can put Penn at number one, I will. To me, that spot has always potentially belonged to him. However, it's important to remember that he only really has two wins at lightweight that could be considered current or pertinent--his wins over Din Thomas, Caol Uno, and Takanori Gomi are, I feel, a little too dated to figure heavily into the rankings.
8. Joe Stevenson
9. Frank Edgar
10. Tyson Griffin
I put Griffin here in favor of Sherk because (Sherk's steroid abuse aside) I feel that Griffin's victories over Duane Ludwig, Clay Guida, Thiago Tavares, and Gleison Tibau count for more than Sherk's two wins.
Griffin always comes out to "Eye of the Tiger," but I think he should start walking out to the song "Super-Meat Thighs." I know you want to say "Come on, this isn't a song, man" but it is in my sweetest dreams, and it's performed by Dick Dale and the Confederate Army strumming on the strung-out assholes of 1,000 great white sharks.
Number 10 Lightweight of the World Dick Dale, feeling the years.
11. Roger Huerta
A lot of people shit on Huerta because he's a pretty boy, but aren't you supposed to like him more because he's handsome? I know I do. Huerta proved he can do more than look good in tight shorts and beat the hell out of UFC fodder when he fought through two grueling rounds against Clay Guida before submitting him in the third.
12. Sean Sherk
Despite having been the UFC lightweight, Sherk only has two lightweight fights on his record. While their good wins, I don't think it's enough to put him ahead of Huerta or Griffin in the ranks, both of whom have more expansive lightweight resumes.
I was a little disappointed in Sean Sherk after seeing him hop around and hug Matt Hughes after seeing Georges St. Pierre get knocked out. Sherk seems to pride himself on being a consumate competitor, but I think part of that is respecting and appreciating whomever bested you. Jumping around in an uncontrollable state of vicarious glee hardly seems fitting. And speaking of fitting, when is Sherk going to find some space on his improbably muscled body to stick some decorum? He clearly tested positive for steroids (which half the viewing public probably figured he was on anyway) and yet continues to shout about his innocence. Saying it over and over doesn't make it true or any more convincing. It's just irritating. He could likewise stop using slogans like "You're not the champ until you beat the champ." As far as anyone with half a brain is concerned, testing positive for steroids and getting stripped of your title means you aren't the champ. Unless Sherk is shouting those slogans at himself in a mirror, they have no business leaving the mouth on his steroidally convoluted face.
13. Kenny Florian
"The Finisher." Ugh. I hope that's not official. Otherwise, we'll totally miss out on "Ken-Flo vs. J-Lau: the Hyphening." You know, you yell about how you finish fights, like, only a dozen times in a 60 second post-fight interview, and suddenly everyone's making jokes.
Florian catches a lot of crap, and seems to perpetually work under the shadow of his participation on the first season of The Ultimate Fighter. Unlike, say, the Jorge Gurgels of the world, though, I think Florian has proven to be a true commodity at lightweight (albeit with inconsistent fanfare). Wins over up-and-comers Sam Stout and Alvin Robinson, in addition to solid veterans Dokonjonosuke Mishima and Din Thomas, warrants a mention in the ranks.
14. Rob McCullough
He hasn't lost in four years, his nickname is "Razor," and he gets sweaty as a motherfucker.
Razor Rob has one of the most swell spots on television in an advert for the WEC on the Versus Network, wherein he holds a weight from his teeth with a rope and lifts it using the power of what is called "Rob's Neck."
15. Clay Guida
I'm not going to bullshit you, Clay Guida's ravishing head of hair had something to do with making it on this list.
It's a crowded division, so when it comes to rankings, one has to ask, "What have you done for me lately?" And Guida, while losing to Roger Huerta, also beat Marcus Aurelio (who is most famous for his submission win over former Number 1 fighter Takanori Gomi). His losses to Din Thomas and Tyson Griffin hurt his case a little, but the fact that they were close decision losses, and that he performed well in both of them, tilt my opinion in his favor over a couple other fighters. These fighters being:
Din Thomas (who beat Guida early last year but lost to Florian in a so-so performance after), Ryan Schultz (who went undefeated in 2007, beating the sensational but perhaps overhyped Chris Horodecki), Joachim Hansen (formerly Top 10, who won his last fight against the unremarkable Kazuyuki Miyata, but not before losing to unranked Eiji Mitsuoka), and Marcus Aurelio (whose most significant win over Takanori Gomi happened more than a year ago).
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Old-Timey UFC Guy Stages Ill-Fated Comeback
Bob Meyrowitz, after selling what turned out to be the most popular brand in one of the fastest growing forms of entertainment to Zuffa, seems to have found a magic lamp. After rubbing furiously, a genie popped out and I guess it granted him his wish to do it all over again, because Meyrowitz (who co-founded the UFC) has announced the development of a new MMA promotion.
Unfortunately, the genie must be from 1993, because the promotional material for "YAMMA Pit Fighting" reads like something from the dark ages of the sport. "Redefining MMA. On the street it's against the law. In the pit there is no law. THEY'RE BACK!!!!!!"
"In the pit there is no law?" That's the kind of talk that gets you banned in all 50, son. And who, exactly, is "BACK!!!!!!"? Because if it's Paul Varelans, you can count me out...
...Or can you?
Further dating Meyrowitz's new endeavor is the likelihood that his "YAMMA Pit Fighting" will closely resemble (or is, by my prediction) "YAMA," a show he was shopping around to cable networks that pitted two teams with different fighting styles against each other. Meyrowitz stated that they weren't fostering competition between two individuals, necessarily, but between "two totally different fighting styles." Except that this has already been done (by him), and we all learned our lesson: you don't bring a single boxing glove to an MMA fight (sorry Art Jimmerson).
The big hook here, though, seems to be the implementation of a new type of ring, which YPF claims will change the face of the sport, but the exact nature of the new ring is currently under wraps. However, there may be a clue in the quote "In the pit there is no law." I think, guys, it might take place in a pit. Maybe, though, its like a riddle or a trick, and "pit" is code. For example, one might see that "pit," spelled backwards, is "tip." As in the tip of Zuffa's million dollar wang. Inserted into YPF's brown eye.
For Oxford University, this is Walter Cronkite.
Unfortunately, the genie must be from 1993, because the promotional material for "YAMMA Pit Fighting" reads like something from the dark ages of the sport. "Redefining MMA. On the street it's against the law. In the pit there is no law. THEY'RE BACK!!!!!!"
"In the pit there is no law?" That's the kind of talk that gets you banned in all 50, son. And who, exactly, is "BACK!!!!!!"? Because if it's Paul Varelans, you can count me out...
...Or can you?
Further dating Meyrowitz's new endeavor is the likelihood that his "YAMMA Pit Fighting" will closely resemble (or is, by my prediction) "YAMA," a show he was shopping around to cable networks that pitted two teams with different fighting styles against each other. Meyrowitz stated that they weren't fostering competition between two individuals, necessarily, but between "two totally different fighting styles." Except that this has already been done (by him), and we all learned our lesson: you don't bring a single boxing glove to an MMA fight (sorry Art Jimmerson).
The big hook here, though, seems to be the implementation of a new type of ring, which YPF claims will change the face of the sport, but the exact nature of the new ring is currently under wraps. However, there may be a clue in the quote "In the pit there is no law." I think, guys, it might take place in a pit. Maybe, though, its like a riddle or a trick, and "pit" is code. For example, one might see that "pit," spelled backwards, is "tip." As in the tip of Zuffa's million dollar wang. Inserted into YPF's brown eye.
For Oxford University, this is Walter Cronkite.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Comeback Kids
While 2007 proved a halcyon year for fighters like Anderson Silva, Quinton Jackson, and Randy Couture, other fighters closed out the year with a whimper among clouds of fan skepticism and doubt. Below are five fighters who have the opportunity and potential to turn their careers around and leave a big impression on the MMA community:
5. Andrei Arlovski
Between his ongoing contract negotiations with the UFC and his two anemic wins--first over Marcio Cruz and later against Fabricio Werdum--Arlovski has largely faded from the public consciousness. With an impending conclusion in his contract negotiations, Arlovski should be poised to use what little momentum he can take from his last to fights and stage an explosive comeback, either in or out of the UFC.
I feel Arlovski gets a bum rap, from both fans and management. He more or less carried the UFC's heavyweight division for almost two years. A couple tough breaks later, and everyone is ready to write him off as a flash in the pan. At the same time, Arlovski can't continue the way he has been for much longer. Even one more fight resembling his contest with Werdum could kill any latent interest in him. I'm not sure where exactly his problems lie, but I suspect it has to do with the surge of super-stardom he enjoyed last year. He needs to wipe all of that from his memory, get hungry, and start from zero. I'm not going to make that old joke and suggest that it's his lack of chest hair that has done him in. Actually, I guess I will.
Brown-Reverse-Fur-Cape-Arlovski in '08!
4. Tito Ortiz
Ortiz fancies himself not only a fighter, but a savvy entrepreneur as well. But where does sticking it to mythical sea-hag Jenna Jameson figure in to it? Ortiz's career in the last couple years has been plagued with uninspired wins, disappointing losses, and excuses, excuses, excuses. Sick of making, in his words, lesser fighters look good, he vowed to take some time off, completely heal his injuries, and bring the "old" Tito back. A rematch with Rashad Evans has been rumored to be on the table. If he can regain and put to use his notoriously strong cardio, wrestling, and perseverance, Ortiz could quite possibly dominate Evans and work his way towards lasting prominence.
Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder how likely a resurgence is for Ortiz. The old Tito wasn't killing time on b-list-celebrity reality shows, and the old Tito trained in a camp populated by Chuck Liddell, Quinton Jackson, and a prime Ricco Rodriguez. A look at his camp now reveals that he's been working out with...Tiki Ghosn?! Oh man, I thought that guy was dead...
3. Frank Mir
Life has been a little rough for Mir. Shortly after capturing the UFC heavyweight belt in spectacular fashion, he suffered serious injuries in a motorcycle accident. With a recent increased emphasis on a strong mental state as key for a successful fighter, it's not too surprising, in retrospect, that Mir faltered in his return bout almost two years later, losing badly to the unimpressive Marcio Cruz. An almost unbearably sluggish win over Dan Christison followed, and a tko loss to Brandon Vera after that. Mir's most recent fight against Antoni Hardonk, which he won quite handily by submission, is hopefully a promise of things to come. Upcoming opponent Brock Lesnar poses the perfect opportunity for Mir--while physically imposing, Lesnar is far less experienced than Mir, and his wrestling-centric technique could easily backfire against a jiu-jistu artist as talented as Mir. And while he might be unproven in the MMA world, Lesnar is a name opponent. Spoiling Lesnar's coming-out party (and starting a win streak) may be just the thing Mir needs to get back in the spot light.
2. Cro Cop
As a highly touted import, Cro Cop might have let the hype get to his head. Instead of steamrolling the UFC heavyweight division en route to championship supremacy, Cro Cop took a oddly humdrum tko victory over human/albino gopher hybrid Eddie Sanchez. He went on to suffer a horrifying ko loss to Gabriel Gonzaga, resulting in the saddest picture in the history of man. That is to say, a photo of a 220 pound smasher of men sobbing as he rides through a field on his pony, looking so sharp in his little cowboy hat. I'm a little afraid to show it to you, but here it is anyway.
A second loss to Cheik Kongo followed. Rumors of his retirement have since been put to rest as Cro Cop endeavors to refocus and become an effective heavyweight wrecking machine. Look for him to cut a swathe of destruction towards a title match, or again lose himself in thoughts of retirement by the end of 2008.
1. BJ Penn
Penn is a problematic figure in mixed martial arts. His nickname "The Prodigy," describes him almost perfectly, embodying both what is great and infinitely frustrating about him. As a prodigy, he has seemingly limitless talent and yet, because of the great facility with which he fights, he never seems to work as hard or stay as focused as other fighters, resulting in under-performance, and disappointment for his fans. He claims to have gotten his head straight (thanks in part to discussions with Randy Couture, no less) and is fully dedicated to the art of fighting. His virtuoso performance against one-time rival Jens Pulver seems a step in the right direction. Yet, with a looming title fight against Joe Stevenson, Penn seems disconcertingly preoccupied with Sean Sherk. Here's hoping that in 2008 he starts to make good on all of the promise he has, and that he expands on the moments of brilliance his career has shown us.
Here we have a picture of Penn wearing some of the best shorts ever. While I approve of the shorts whole-heartedly, I don't quite understand his ill-will to Jens Pulver. I tend to dislike the characters of fighters from the Miletich camp, but Jens Pulver has always seemed like a good-humored kind of guy. Why, BJ Penn? Why did you let go of the armbar just to punch Jens Pulver in the face some more? You can be so cruel.
5. Andrei Arlovski
Between his ongoing contract negotiations with the UFC and his two anemic wins--first over Marcio Cruz and later against Fabricio Werdum--Arlovski has largely faded from the public consciousness. With an impending conclusion in his contract negotiations, Arlovski should be poised to use what little momentum he can take from his last to fights and stage an explosive comeback, either in or out of the UFC.
I feel Arlovski gets a bum rap, from both fans and management. He more or less carried the UFC's heavyweight division for almost two years. A couple tough breaks later, and everyone is ready to write him off as a flash in the pan. At the same time, Arlovski can't continue the way he has been for much longer. Even one more fight resembling his contest with Werdum could kill any latent interest in him. I'm not sure where exactly his problems lie, but I suspect it has to do with the surge of super-stardom he enjoyed last year. He needs to wipe all of that from his memory, get hungry, and start from zero. I'm not going to make that old joke and suggest that it's his lack of chest hair that has done him in. Actually, I guess I will.
Brown-Reverse-Fur-Cape-Arlovski in '08!
4. Tito Ortiz
Ortiz fancies himself not only a fighter, but a savvy entrepreneur as well. But where does sticking it to mythical sea-hag Jenna Jameson figure in to it? Ortiz's career in the last couple years has been plagued with uninspired wins, disappointing losses, and excuses, excuses, excuses. Sick of making, in his words, lesser fighters look good, he vowed to take some time off, completely heal his injuries, and bring the "old" Tito back. A rematch with Rashad Evans has been rumored to be on the table. If he can regain and put to use his notoriously strong cardio, wrestling, and perseverance, Ortiz could quite possibly dominate Evans and work his way towards lasting prominence.
Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder how likely a resurgence is for Ortiz. The old Tito wasn't killing time on b-list-celebrity reality shows, and the old Tito trained in a camp populated by Chuck Liddell, Quinton Jackson, and a prime Ricco Rodriguez. A look at his camp now reveals that he's been working out with...Tiki Ghosn?! Oh man, I thought that guy was dead...
3. Frank Mir
Life has been a little rough for Mir. Shortly after capturing the UFC heavyweight belt in spectacular fashion, he suffered serious injuries in a motorcycle accident. With a recent increased emphasis on a strong mental state as key for a successful fighter, it's not too surprising, in retrospect, that Mir faltered in his return bout almost two years later, losing badly to the unimpressive Marcio Cruz. An almost unbearably sluggish win over Dan Christison followed, and a tko loss to Brandon Vera after that. Mir's most recent fight against Antoni Hardonk, which he won quite handily by submission, is hopefully a promise of things to come. Upcoming opponent Brock Lesnar poses the perfect opportunity for Mir--while physically imposing, Lesnar is far less experienced than Mir, and his wrestling-centric technique could easily backfire against a jiu-jistu artist as talented as Mir. And while he might be unproven in the MMA world, Lesnar is a name opponent. Spoiling Lesnar's coming-out party (and starting a win streak) may be just the thing Mir needs to get back in the spot light.
2. Cro Cop
As a highly touted import, Cro Cop might have let the hype get to his head. Instead of steamrolling the UFC heavyweight division en route to championship supremacy, Cro Cop took a oddly humdrum tko victory over human/albino gopher hybrid Eddie Sanchez. He went on to suffer a horrifying ko loss to Gabriel Gonzaga, resulting in the saddest picture in the history of man. That is to say, a photo of a 220 pound smasher of men sobbing as he rides through a field on his pony, looking so sharp in his little cowboy hat. I'm a little afraid to show it to you, but here it is anyway.
A second loss to Cheik Kongo followed. Rumors of his retirement have since been put to rest as Cro Cop endeavors to refocus and become an effective heavyweight wrecking machine. Look for him to cut a swathe of destruction towards a title match, or again lose himself in thoughts of retirement by the end of 2008.
1. BJ Penn
Penn is a problematic figure in mixed martial arts. His nickname "The Prodigy," describes him almost perfectly, embodying both what is great and infinitely frustrating about him. As a prodigy, he has seemingly limitless talent and yet, because of the great facility with which he fights, he never seems to work as hard or stay as focused as other fighters, resulting in under-performance, and disappointment for his fans. He claims to have gotten his head straight (thanks in part to discussions with Randy Couture, no less) and is fully dedicated to the art of fighting. His virtuoso performance against one-time rival Jens Pulver seems a step in the right direction. Yet, with a looming title fight against Joe Stevenson, Penn seems disconcertingly preoccupied with Sean Sherk. Here's hoping that in 2008 he starts to make good on all of the promise he has, and that he expands on the moments of brilliance his career has shown us.
Here we have a picture of Penn wearing some of the best shorts ever. While I approve of the shorts whole-heartedly, I don't quite understand his ill-will to Jens Pulver. I tend to dislike the characters of fighters from the Miletich camp, but Jens Pulver has always seemed like a good-humored kind of guy. Why, BJ Penn? Why did you let go of the armbar just to punch Jens Pulver in the face some more? You can be so cruel.
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